Just figured I'd share this here before the month ends, because if this should be shared anywhere, it should be on my blog. Simply put, I have a tiny feature in the September issues of both Chalk and Meg magazine! It's so... surreal, and freaky, and strange. But I love it. I shared some sentiments over in this CS post, although I'd like to talk more about the day I grabbed myself copies of these issues.
This needs to be blogged okay. IT'S GOING IN THE BOOKS. WELCOME TO THE OPEN DIARY OF INA, ERRBADY.
So I saw a copy of the Chalk ish when I was in Powerbooks Shang, but didn't get it at first because I wasn't sure if it was the one with what I knew was supposed to have something about Cheapskateers and Andrea Ang's article. En route to Rockwell for some errands with Papa, I text Maronne, and she says yep, September ish's the one. So when we get to Rockwell I go to Fully Booked and grab a copy. While waiting for my dad I go through the pages looking for any semblance of my face (which sounds totly vain, I know, but Maronne told me there was only a quote and a minuscule photo of myself, so that was my basis) but I couldn't find the article. Then I start wondering, "WHAT IF MY ISSUE'S A DEFECT?" HAHAHAHAHA I KNOW RIGHT? So I text Maronne and she tells me the page, and TA-DAAAA I FOUND IT! I felt really giddy, seeing my face and, more importantly, my opinion!!! Isn't that magical? Andrea's inquiries regarding the article were SO interesting and a joy to answer. I rambled on and on and maybe even went off-topic from time to time, but I had a lot of fun answering her questions.
As for the Meg issue... I was on my way home, and it was a Friday (I only remember the day because Fridays are the only days where I have to take the MRT home; the other two school days I get picked up from Santolan station, either because it's late a.k.a. 9pm class, or it's a Saturday class) I was in Gateway and decided to give Fully Booked a shot for that Meg ish. I found it, but then I was reluctant to get it because I still wasn't sure of this was the ish with me innit (again, it sounds vain, but the only local magazine I really follow is Preview, and we all know how stingy I am so I didn't want to spend money unless I was really sure this was it). But whatever, I took the risk and bought it, and I was en route to the MRT when I decided to rip it open anyway. And then I found myself HAHAHA I LOOKED LIKE AN IDIOT STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF GATEWAY FLIPPING THROUGH THE PAGES OF MEG.
Oh gosh I must've sounded really vain and self-centered, but I promise you this was the first time I've ever been featured in a magazine, so this was a really big deal. And it just happened to be twice in a month... though that was just a coincidence since my Meg feature was initially supposed to be in August, but it got moved back.
I don't dress up for the attention (at least I think I don't -- for all I know I could be doing it subconsciously), rather I dress up as a form of self-expression and... art? I mean, if you look at it, outfits are like works of art too. It might seem superficial, this whole feature thing, but it's nice to be acknowledged sometimes. OKAY I SOUND LIKE AN ATTENTION WHORE BUT THAT'S REALLY NOT THE CASE LOL. I mean I've always felt like I've been overshadowed (but definitely not under-appreciated -- gosh that would make me seem like some ungrateful little--) with regards to acknowledgements in fashion. Okay, maybe not ALWAYS, but it's happened a lot. I won't elaborate much on that because I know when to withhold (enough) details on the internet else I be judged further and further into the depths of oblivion, but man it's happened several times over the years.
It's not so much that I crave attention, because like I said, when I dress up, attention isn't the case. It's just... that's just it, it's nice to be acknowledged sometimes, especially when I'm not even trying to garner any attention. For all I know this could be rooted back to my self-esteem issues all over again, I don't even know.
In fact I felt a little self-centered when I was plugging the features on Facebook, so that in turn made me feel a little awkward. IN FACT, THIS WHOLE POST IS MAKING ME FEEL AWKWARD, BUT IT'S HISTORICAL SO IT NEEDS TO BE ARCHIVED IN THE BLOG. Truthfully I also feel a little awkward when I pimp my CS posts on Facebook as well -- funny because I only started this whole 'fashion blogging' thing because Maronne wanted to venture into it with me, so I didn't really have any intentions of getting 'anywhere' (that's a very loose term) when we started Cheapskateers. I kind of still don't, because if I did then the whole CS blogging would be really superficial, inorganic and unauthentic. If anything I've actually enjoyed documenting and blogging about my outfits (the documenting part can be a PAIN at times though), because the blog provides a whole visual archive of the evolution our styles.
Not really sure where all that babbling came from, but the closest conclusion I could deduce was that maybe I'm way too self-conscious about this whole getting-featured-and-sharing-the-news thing, so I'm all defensive and have to say so many things in order to shed any form of what could be arrogance to some people. I don't want to come off as 'OH LOOK AT ME I'M IN A MAGAZINE' so I have to explain all my feels and crap. It matters because I don't want to have that kind of image, even if I'm just a little nobody on the internet. I've never liked tooting my own horn -- I swear, never. Growing up I was always reluctant to share or talk about my good fortune in fear of looking like I was bragging. Al. Ways. ALWAYS!
Regardless, thanks again to Andrea Ang and Elisa Aquino for the features! You really have no idea how much this matters to me -- unless you've reached this post, then you might just have an inkling of how much, lol.
Man I don't remember having blogged so much about my feels since my LJ days. Whatever, I'm going to get something to eat now.