Thursday, September 17, 2015


Photo from my shoot with Alex for our gaming blog. More photos and info here.

Most days, I feel like I'm floating. Most days feel like they're glazed over with this unexplainable haze, and most days I end up asking myself when this -- whatever this is -- will end. If it will ever end. I don't know what to do, when most of my days have a dwelling of anxiety and fear and misery and other dark things creeping around the corner -- dark things that could swallow me whole if I allow them to, and many a time I have come close to letting them in completely.

I have been drowning -- choking, suffocating -- and even when I get a breather, the air feels thick with an impending sense of despair, as if this is the only part in my life now that remains consistent, day after day.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Hanahaki Byou

Hanahaki Byou:
The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.

I'm not really sure where the whole Hanahaki Byou concept came from; I speculate that it was born from fanfiction or some other fandom ala Anterograde Tomorrow. Camille was actually the one who pitched this idea to me as she thought it'd make for a cool shoot idea. Originally, I wanted to use Janelle's favorite flowers, but I'm a cheapo and went with fake flowers instead since I have an abundance of those in the house.

The short film? motion editorial? was something I've been wanting to do for a while now, although putting the 'directed by' part makes me feel super gross and pretentious. There are several things about this... video that I wish I could improve on, but I'd like to think this was relatively okay. Some years ago, I made a couple (well, maybe just two) video studies/'short films', and I wish I had the same freaky aesthetic I had back then. Maybe I can make one for Halloween?

I intend to make this Hanahaki Byou thing a series, though I'm not sure if that would include making the motion editorial (I honestly have no idea what to call it) a series as well. This was the only thing I managed to shoot last month, seeing as August was such a whirlwind, though I find it fitting that my subject was the one August celebrant from our group of friends. Thanks again Janelle for being so game, and to Camille for pitching the idea!

Happy first ber month everybody!