Sunday, October 25, 2015


Stereotypical gothic-esque shoot for October a.k.a. Halloween season! Thank you so much to my team (Hi Alex! Hi Terry! Hi Je! Hi Stephy! Hi parents for sponsoring my life!) because this image would not have been possible without them. (Seriously though if it weren't for Terry's participation we wouldn't have achieved the final lighting setup.)

This has got to be one of my favorite shoots this year so far. Actual shooting took about 5 minutes or less because we managed to get the winner shot right away. One thing I've noticed about myself -- especially in comparison to my high school self -- is that I'm a lot more focused on quality than quantity now, both in shooting and the final photos that get to see the light of day.

I miss the naivety I had as a high schooler though. I used to have this fervent curiosity with photography; I was so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I'm still curious (I mean I've been very experimental with my photography this year), and I'm still excitable (to an extent), but there's definitely a light in me that has gone out over the years. Maybe it can't be helped, after the reality of, well, real life.

Anyway, advanced Happy Halloween everybody! Posting this now because I honestly couldn't wait until the 31st to share this. I was going to make this a part of the Hanahaki Byou series, but it just didn't go towards that direction. Also, this may or may not be a prelude to another shoot concept I'm cooking up. Who knows.

Alternate title is "Playboy Bunny Gone Wrong" or something along those lines, according to my friends. Stay spooky, kids!

Thursday, September 17, 2015


Photo from my shoot with Alex for our gaming blog. More photos and info here.

Most days, I feel like I'm floating. Most days feel like they're glazed over with this unexplainable haze, and most days I end up asking myself when this -- whatever this is -- will end. If it will ever end. I don't know what to do, when most of my days have a dwelling of anxiety and fear and misery and other dark things creeping around the corner -- dark things that could swallow me whole if I allow them to, and many a time I have come close to letting them in completely.

I have been drowning -- choking, suffocating -- and even when I get a breather, the air feels thick with an impending sense of despair, as if this is the only part in my life now that remains consistent, day after day.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Hanahaki Byou

Hanahaki Byou:
The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.

I'm not really sure where the whole Hanahaki Byou concept came from; I speculate that it was born from fanfiction or some other fandom ala Anterograde Tomorrow. Camille was actually the one who pitched this idea to me as she thought it'd make for a cool shoot idea. Originally, I wanted to use Janelle's favorite flowers, but I'm a cheapo and went with fake flowers instead since I have an abundance of those in the house.

The short film? motion editorial? was something I've been wanting to do for a while now, although putting the 'directed by' part makes me feel super gross and pretentious. There are several things about this... video that I wish I could improve on, but I'd like to think this was relatively okay. Some years ago, I made a couple (well, maybe just two) video studies/'short films', and I wish I had the same freaky aesthetic I had back then. Maybe I can make one for Halloween?

I intend to make this Hanahaki Byou thing a series, though I'm not sure if that would include making the motion editorial (I honestly have no idea what to call it) a series as well. This was the only thing I managed to shoot last month, seeing as August was such a whirlwind, though I find it fitting that my subject was the one August celebrant from our group of friends. Thanks again Janelle for being so game, and to Camille for pitching the idea!

Happy first ber month everybody!

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Girl Almighty


Photographing Je has been something in the works for a while (read: 2014), but now that it finally happened, I couldn't be happier. Je was one of my first friends in SPCP; she was one of my first classmates when I was a new student, and our surnames alphabetically placed us within close proximity of each other. Back then I was completely clueless as to why some people incessantly made 'Mini Keyk' comments around her... until I saw the commercial for myself and became one of those aforementioned people. While Je and I weren't particularly close in high school (she has a much better relationship with Terry), we've grown substantially closer in recent years, which I can't be more thankful for.

(Idk why I always make brief write-ups of my history with whoever it is I'm shooting.)

Special thanks to Jam for helping out! Thanks again Je for letting me take your picture (and for constantly feeding my Directioner heart).

Friday, June 19, 2015



Aw shucks, I forgot this happened. Some time last month, I managed to kidnap Camille and bring her to my house for a quick shoot. In typical Camina fashion, we pretty much chilled and swapped stories afterwards. It was a pleasant afternoon, and I'm (as usual) looking forward to the next time I get to see this lovely specimen. Time with my favorite people really lifts my spirits some. Thanks again for letting me take your picture, Camille!

Thursday, June 18, 2015


Hello. I turned 23 nearly a month ago. For my birthday, some friends got me books and makeup. Mostly makeup. I also got other things (Thanks, friends!), but I'll only be sharing the books and makeup part, since I usually only talk about those two things whenever I make 'haul' posts.

Every Day by David Levithan and Magonia by Maria Dahvana Headley, both from Jam. Magonia doesn't have its dust jacket in the picture because I was still reading it when this was taken. Every Day is special because it's Jam's own copy, and I've always associated Levithan with her, probably because the first ever Levithan book I read was How They Met and Other Stories, which Jam had lent me some years ago.

Inglot pigment from Alex! It matches with the liquid eyeliner my grandma coincidentally got me as well.

Said grandma also gave me a couple of her Revlon lippies. She's been an advocate of Revlon for 48965734896 years.

Eyeshadows from Camille! Who finally came to my house last month as well! Miracles do exist!!!!!

Sephora palette from my aunt and her family. Didn't bother swatching because I never really swatch palettes I guess...?

Thanks to everyone for all the birthday wishes!


In other news, I went back to grandma hair again.

~*~spastic gif time~*~

It's a subtle duo-tone, where one side is grayer than the other. As of this post, my hair color has faded and is less gray now and more ash blonde, I think.


I have been unwell. I thought I was okay in April, but by the beginning of May I had a complete relapse. I haven't been able to recover since then, and I feel myself continuously falling backwards in a downward spiral. I thought turning 23 would be great, considering how that's also my favorite number (how naive), but so far my days have been obscured by a dark filter that I can't seem to look past.

I don't know what happened to me.

I don't know what to do.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015


Thank you Janelle for letting me photograph you! Original concept courtesy of Terry, which I later revised and tailored into this final image. There are some things I wish I did differently -- just some little details I wish I had ironed out some, but nevertheless, I still really like the end product. Thank you for all the help, magical friends!