Friday, April 17, 2015

Dark Places




For lunch I had some slices of pizza and a hefty serving of thoughtful conversations with Jam. We don't get to talk a lot, and admittedly I don't usually run to her when I have problems. But out of all my friends, Jam is the one who truly understands what I've been going through these past odd months. I have people who hold my hand when I cry, who lend an ear when I need someone to just sit down and listen, but it's another story when you find someone who completely empathizes with your situation.

It's not about the support being shown or the person's presence in your life. The fact that they can understand something as complex as your feelings is invaluable. There's a connection that no one else can comprehend, and it's a connection you end up cherishing for the years to come.

Things have been rather bumpy in my personal life lately. There's this weird limbo I'm still struggling to get out of, and at times it can feel a little suffocating. Sometimes you feel so alone and helpless, and it's like no one really understands how you feel. Sometimes, these thoughts can push you towards the dark recesses of your mind. They'll drive you towards the isolating corners that ultimately hold you back from -- and this is going to be totally cheesy -- the pursuit of happiness.

It's a sick kind of comfort, knowing there is someone you love who is going through the same pain and trials as you are. There is a less twisted comfort in knowing you can be there for each other, trying to feel your way out of the black hole you've both been trapped in. You have to fall down to get back up; the fall itself has been quite an eye-opening ride, and the landing was rough and painful. Climbing my way back up is going to be another adventure -- one that will be a more humbling and less lonesome experience, because I know there are people who have the most generous of hands reaching out to pull me out of this dark place I'm in.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Friday, March 27, 2015

#ootd


Frankly, Terry and I weren't sure what to call this shoot. What was supposed to be a satirical mish-mash of random #geekgirl cultures became a poke at the whole #fashionblogger scene instead. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally in on this joke since I still document my outfits from time to time, but I'm definitely not what one would call a legitimate 'fashion blogger,' especially in this day and age where such a term can already be considered an actual profession. I've been disillusioned by the local ~*~fashion blogging~*~ scene since around 2013 or so, but even back in those days I never felt like I was part of that... circle, so to say. I documented my outfits, sure, so I was a personal style blogger, to an extent. But there was always a degree of exclusivity that came with that scene, to the point that I often felt a disconnect to the whole thing.







An #ootd (I cringe at how I used to actually use this hashtag, let alone hashtags in general. QUE HORROR!) would not be complete without the quintessential full body and detail shots. (And, well... okay, this was also called #ootd because this is an outfit Terry would wear any regular day -- any non-school day, to be precise, because her school's dress code has taken over her life.)


But hey, this was all done in good nature. No hard feelings, #fashionbloggers. Y'all are cool. P-P-P-PEACE!

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

toilettereads: February 2015


I may have gotten into a bit of a reading slump.

I have a sinking suspicion as to what has caused this, but said cause has not only affected my reading, but a lot of other aspects of my life. The problem has calmed down a bit, but I'm still having a hard time plowing through this struggle. These days, it takes me f o r e v e r to finish just one book, to the point of utter frustration. But I digress.


Uzumaki was my first Junji Ito read, though I have heard of him (and his infamous Tomie) and how great he is. The hype is well-deserved because Uzumaki was amazing. As I mentioned in the video, I am a big scaredy cat; manga, books, and video games are the only mediums I'm capable of ingesting when it comes to the horror genre. However, I've only come across a handful of entries in the print format that have given me the spooks. (Then again, I prolly haven't read enough.) Uzumaki was definitely something that went beyond gruesome and creepy. It made me shudder at times, both because I was getting grossed and creeped out. So, so good. I bow down to Junji Ito.

Seconds by Bryan Lee O'Malley was something I picked up from Booktube. I've never read the Scott Pilgrim series (though I want to -- I'm just stingy) nor have I seen the film, but I know everybody loves it so I figured something from the same creator would be good. I saw an open copy of Seconds at the bookstore, skimmed through it, felt a tug on my heartstrings, and it was then did I decide I was finally going to get it. The whole second chances theme and wanting do-overs really struck me, and it really made me thinking about a lot of things and the mysteries of the universe, especially at the point I am in my life right now, so I ended up enjoying Seconds much more than I had anticipated.


Plus, it has a pretty sweet cover and dust jacket, so you can't go wrong with that.


Also mentioned in the video was the fact that I got myself an e-reader! One of the books I read with it was I'll Tell You a Secret, Jackalope by Matthew Vandrew. It was more of a short story than anything, and only took me a few minutes to read, but it was definitely something different. It was so... weird and loopy, with slightly similar vibes to Alice in Wonderland, except with werewolf-esque scenarios and a gay couple at a museum.


One of the books I was really looking forward to reading on my e-reader was Valentine's Day of the Undead by Stacey Jay. This is a novella to the Megan Berry series, which I thoroughly enjoyed, so I had a lot of fun delving back into that universe. While it was great getting to meet up with Megan and co., it still wasn't enough to sate my desire for a true conclusion to the saga, especially since this was only a novella. I still want more, but ah well, what can I do...


The Labyrinth was something I acquired from the author himself. I was really drawn to the premise of four, dysfunctional main characters, and how each of them have their own special quirk that involves one of the five senses. My favorite character was definitely Zack, because he's such a cocky piece of wit with the best comebacks. These four main characters eventually find out that they all had a history with one another, having been reincarnated over the years (this isn't a spoiler -- it's totally in the book summary), all while continuously trying to escape their impending doom by the hands of the Guardian (a.k.a. the main antagonist).

Some parts of the book felt a little rushed, especially when the characters find each other, though I do understand it was all part of the 'omg-we-shared-a-past-life-once-upon-a-time' thing. The Guardian's characterization felt a little shaky; he didn't seem very consistent, though I'm not sure if this was intentional in order to show how messed up he is. I felt like the plot could've been just a little bit more developed, but overall it was a pretty interesting read. Thanks again to Dorian Zari for providing me with a digital copy of this!

---

In other news, I have several Peter Pan books and I haven't touched any of them. Way to go, Ina.

Monday, March 9, 2015

toilettereads: January 2015


Look! A totally late upload! What else is new?


Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk was the very first Palahniuk book I ever saw/took notice of at bookstores way back when. This was sometime in my high school life, and one of the things that really drew me towards it even all those years ago was the very mention of a porn star. (I've probably always been a secret pervy sage.) I finally got around to it, and as I mentioned in my video, it really made me wonder if anyone managed to contract an STD while on set. I mean, this was one woman's goal of having 600 sexual acts caught on film. Surely having that many sexual relations in such a short period of time (the entirety of the whole filming process that takes place in the book is just the span of a day) could lead to something, right? (Spoiler alert: DEATH.)

I liked how this was told in different perspectives -- about three of four, three of which were the perspectives of men who were participating in the whole 600 project. What really blew me away was the plot twist at the end; you think the first plot twist was the climax of the story and the rest of the book was just a matter of tying some loose ends here and there, but lo and behold, there's even a bigger plot twist that totally debunks the former changes everything altogether. I totally didn't see it coming.

Vampires in the Lemon Grove and Other Stories by Karen Russell was something I brought with me on an out of town trip because I wanted a light read on the beach. Thing is, a lot of the short stories in this book were a little twisted -- sometimes kooky -- where the very last story got totally dark and somewhat eerie. That last story used bullying as a central element, and that kind of got me in the gut. There was a sense of cruelty that seemed so unfair yet so real, and anybody who ever got bullied in their lives could probably relate.

Besides the books photographed above, I also wrapped up The Secret Series by Pseudonymous Bosch as part of my reads for January. Between Snuff and Vampires, I began reading Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky (hence my wanting to read something 'light' for the aforementioned beach trip), but as of this post, I have yet to even get halfway into the book. I keep on putting it down and never reading it continuously for some reason. I really hope to finish it before my birthday, at least.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Of Peacocks and Picasso


I wouldn't quite call this a quick shoot, seeing as the makeup took about two hours. Shot this on the last day of February, so I managed to squeeze in at least one shoot last month.



We filmed the entire makeup process sans the application of false lashes, because that alone probably took another hour. (Nah, not really. But it took too much time to be recorded.) Filming at Alex's is so much fun because her white background makes everything look so... clean. That, and it's a lot more spacious than what I'm used to.


The image above was our basis for the makeup. It's not a direct recreation or anything; it was more of our inspiration. I just found this floating around the internet, and I don't really know who took this picture or who worked on the makeup. If anyone knows, please enlighten me!



Alex initially found the makeup look to be very Picasso-meets-Dali-esque when I sent her a sample, and then she began making peacock references once I did the actual look on her. Later that night, we played a round of Kings with a couple of our friends, which led to the special participation of mayonnaise, lipstick application ala Miranda Sings, and myself getting the last king card after audibly (read: obnoxiously) taunting the others in hopes of anyone else getting to drink the king's cup.

Moral of the story is to never wish harm upon other people. Or maybe just keep those ill feelings to yourself. Thanks again, Alex!

Thursday, February 26, 2015

"How come you don't blog about your outfits anymore?"

Asked my mother, when I wore this outfit:


So, you know, I documented it.


Gap shirt | Greenhills tiangge skirt


Janilyn shoes | Topshop (gifted) socks


To be completely honest, once 2014 rolled in, I just could not be bothered to document my outfits. I could barely keep up with real life as it was -- what more the stuff I wore. I miss documenting my outfits though (I genuinely benefit from doing so, because it legitimately helps me remember life happenings better), especially outfit videos! Man, I haven't done that since 2013. I'll get back to that eventually.


Debenhams bag


Promod earrings


My mom calls this my prinsesa skirt. I call it the LISA FRANK prinsesa skirt. The end.