Sunday, July 29, 2012

Wherever You Are

I'm easily one of, if not THE most, emotionally attached people ever. I used to be so good -- so good, you won't imagine -- at keeping my composure and holding in my tears. Somehow that all changed when the Anina friendship came together because I found out how Ana can easily let her tears go when it comes to dramu films and I guess she just rubbed off on me. (CONGRATS ANETTE YOU HAVE THAT HONOR -- man I should've added this to your palanca) Since then, I've been capable of crying just by listening to songs that remind me of sad times or when I think of moments I miss.

I WAILED LIKE A BABY FOR HOURS WHEN I FINISHED FINAL FANTASY XIII. Until now I haven't been able to play it again because doing so just depresses me. (I promise to go back to it once school's over.) I STILL CRY WHEN I LISTEN TO THE THEME SONG SKDGJHSDJKG

Whatever. I'm so emotional right now because of The Visitor and the gifts of hormonal imbalance. My cousins kept me company over the weekend and it was weird because I had the hardest time focusing on my school work. I think it was because I had this mindset that I had 'guests' over so my mind was telling me it wasn't a 'normal' day, even if it WAS just a regular day anyway.

It's strange. We grew up together in the same household for years and I've only moved out for nearly 3 years and already my mind's telling me that being in the same house with them isn't part of the norm anymore. When we were kids we'd look out this window and see an empty lot, not this little hut. It's another testament to how much has changed.

I remember looking at this window watching as my parents drove off to work in the morning and having this longing look in my eyes because as soon as they left the house, I'd miss them already. (See, I've had attachment issues since I was a kid HAHA) I remember throwing out my glass of milk mixed with grape juice on this roof because it tasted disgusting. (I mixed them together, naively thinking it'd taste good. Nope.) I also remember looking out this window while watching Dragon Tales as a kid, and the sound of sliding the window closed whenever we'd turn on the air conditioner or when the rain got too strong. I also remember the roofs being green back then, and how we'd look out the window during Ondoy, watching the waters rise and how it slowly -- oh so painfully slow it was -- receded later on.

I remember these stairs and how I lost my footing and slid down these steps a couple of times as a kid. Going down these stairs whenever I visit feels so foreign now.

And then there is this room, which we called 'The Playroom' because it was where we'd go to play. Back then it didn't have these writings on the wall, and I have a pretty solid guess as to who put these there. I remember watching said guess play a Castlevania game in this room, as well as watching his dad play Tomb Raider and Metal Gear, and the times when we'd play Metal Slug and that time we played Little Mermaid games all day. Not to mention that Barbie horse game his sister and I played a lot -- and I remember how we even played it the night before our first holy communion.

In this room I remember looking down the window and seeing the back of our house and thinking how it provided such an interesting perspective of that area -- seeing the laundry, some of the dogs, household help, and other stuff.

We moved after Ondoy happened. In the first year of living in our new home, I was so lonely. So, so lonely. After living with so many people in one house since I was a kid, I wasn't used to the house being so quiet all of a sudden. Of course, living with all those people would get on my nerves from time to time, so the distance did our relationships good for me anyway. But it was such a lonely time in my life! And the fact that it was college freshman year, and I missed all my favorite people and all the stress and adjustment of college life was still getting to me.

I'm at my loneliest again and I can't focus with the presence of other people in the house. Life is so strange sometimes.


  1. I love you, girlie! By the way, success - umiyak ako sa palanca mo my dear :-))

    And man, I can super relate - this is what happens when I go back to Wilson


    Yeah I figured you shared the same sentiments with regards to Wilson. You love that house!