Photo from my shoot with Alex for our gaming blog. More photos and info here.
Most days, I feel like I'm floating. Most days feel like they're glazed over with this unexplainable haze, and most days I end up asking myself when this -- whatever this is -- will end. If it will ever end. I don't know what to do, when most of my days have a dwelling of anxiety and fear and misery and other dark things creeping around the corner -- dark things that could swallow me whole if I allow them to, and many a time I have come close to letting them in completely.
I have been drowning -- choking, suffocating -- and even when I get a breather, the air feels thick with an impending sense of despair, as if this is the only part in my life now that remains consistent, day after day.
Hanahaki Byou: The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.
I'm not really sure where the whole Hanahaki Byou concept came from; I speculate that it was born from fanfiction or some other fandom ala Anterograde Tomorrow.Camille was actually the one who pitched this idea to me as she thought it'd make for a cool shoot idea. Originally, I wanted to use Janelle's favorite flowers, but I'm a cheapo and went with fake flowers instead since I have an abundance of those in the house.
The short film? motion editorial? was something I've been wanting to do for a while now, although putting the 'directed by' part makes me feel super gross and pretentious. There are several things about this... video that I wish I could improve on, but I'd like to think this was relatively okay. Some years ago, I made a couple (well, maybe just two) video studies/'short films', and I wish I had the same freaky aesthetic I had back then. Maybe I can make one for Halloween?
I intend to make this Hanahaki Byou thing a series, though I'm not sure if that would include making the motion editorial (I honestly have no idea what to call it) a series as well. This was the only thing I managed to shoot last month, seeing as August was such a whirlwind, though I find it fitting that my subject was the one August celebrant from our group of friends. Thanks again Janelle for being so game, and to Camille for pitching the idea!
