Camille

 

Aw shucks, I forgot this happened. Some time last month, I managed to kidnap Camille and bring her to my house for a quick shoot. In typical Camina fashion, we pretty much chilled and swapped stories afterwards. It was a pleasant afternoon, and I'm (as usual) looking forward to the next time I get to see this lovely specimen. Time with my favorite people really lifts my spirits some. Thanks again for letting me take your picture, Camille!

23

Hello. I turned 23 nearly a month ago. For my birthday, some friends got me books and makeup. Mostly makeup. I also got other things (Thanks, friends!), but I'll only be sharing the books and makeup part, since I usually only talk about those two things whenever I make 'haul' posts.

Every Day by David Levithan and Magonia by Maria Dahvana Headley, both from Jam. Magonia doesn't have its dust jacket in the picture because I was still reading it when this was taken. Every Day is special because it's Jam's own copy, and I've always associated Levithan with her, probably because the first ever Levithan book I read was How They Met and Other Stories, which Jam had lent me some years ago.

Inglot pigment from Alex! It matches with the liquid eyeliner my grandma coincidentally got me as well.

Said grandma also gave me a couple of her Revlon lippies. She's been an advocate of Revlon for 48965734896 years.

Eyeshadows from Camille! Who finally came to my house last month as well! Miracles do exist!!!!!

Sephora palette from my aunt and her family. Didn't bother swatching because I never really swatch palettes I guess...?

Thanks to everyone for all the birthday wishes!

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In other news, I went back to grandma hair again.

~*~spastic gif time~*~

It's a subtle duo-tone, where one side is grayer than the other. As of this post, my hair color has faded and is less gray now and more ash blonde, I think.

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I have been unwell. I thought I was okay in April, but by the beginning of May I had a complete relapse. I haven't been able to recover since then, and I feel myself continuously falling backwards in a downward spiral. I thought turning 23 would be great, considering how that's also my favorite number (how naive), but so far my days have been obscured by a dark filter that I can't seem to look past.

I don't know what happened to me.

I don't know what to do.

Wonderwood

Thank you Janelle for letting me photograph you! Original concept courtesy of Terry, which I later revised and tailored into this final image. There are some things I wish I did differently -- just some little details I wish I had ironed out some, but nevertheless, I still really like the end product. Thank you for all the help, magical friends!

Love Me Like It's Prom Night

Also known as Prom 5.0 (see this post), but not really. Prom Night by Anamanaguchi is my new favorite song, and it was pretty much the inspiration for this shoot. I had a lot of fun executing this, especially considering how colorful it turned out! I'd have to say this was one of my more 'high production' shoots (by 'high production' I'm probably only referring to how much confetti I had to clean up once we were done), but the end result made everything worth it. Thanks again to Jam for being my space-girl-prom-queen hybrid. "Thanks po love you!"

Untitled

Something a little different, featuring the lovely face of Jam and the magical illustrating talents of Tintin. 'Untitled' because we honestly didn't know what to call it; this being a test shoot, the entirety of it was approached with an open theme. I've been experimenting a lot with some lights recently, and it has very much been a learning experience. I'm still a total noob at it and I've got a long way to go, but I'm really excited to get better and ~*~hone my craft~*~ and all that jazz. Lately, I've become a lot more focused in terms of pre-production, and it honestly has made a difference in the quality of my work.

That, or making an effort in pre-production has made shooting go a lot more smoothly, and all my usual models would know how... all over the place my shoots are LOL

This is also the first time Tin and I have ~*~collaborated~*~ (sans a shoot here and there for her online stores). It was a long time coming (literally, we've been meaning to collab for actual years), but it never really happened until now because... well, I never really had any appropriate material that felt 'right' for some Tintin Lontoc TLC (joke what am i saying omg). I do have a concept I intend to pursue for a future collab with Tin, but it won't be seeing the light of day until I know I've really tailored what my vision will be for that collaboration.

Thanks to Jam, not just for being my model, but for all those nice talks we've been having. It's nice having one-on-one chats with good friends, but there's a deeper level of intimacy between friends who can genuinely empathize with each other (BADUMTUSS THIS IS ACTUALLY AN INSIDE JOKE). And of course, thank you again for working magic, Tin! Your illustrations really gave the extra pizazz that the photos needed. (Thank you especially for reaching out after my Dark Places post. It really, really meant a lot.)

I'M SO LUCKY TO BE FRIENDS WITH SUCH RAD KIDS, R U JELLY???

VAS HAPPENING

Some back issues and stuff I've acquired the past few weeks. The bottom row is a bargain I snagged in Baguio, and all four cost less than one i-D back issue from Booksale (and that's saying something, considering the i-D back issue was only 150 pesos). I can never get enough of magazines for dirt cheap.

Dark Places

For lunch I had some slices of pizza and a hefty serving of thoughtful conversations with Jam. We don't get to talk a lot, and admittedly I don't usually run to her when I have problems. But out of all my friends, Jam is the one who truly understands what I've been going through these past odd months. I have people who hold my hand when I cry, who lend an ear when I need someone to just sit down and listen, but it's another story when you find someone who completely empathizes with your situation.

It's not about the support being shown or the person's presence in your life. The fact that they can understand something as complex as your feelings is invaluable. There's a connection that no one else can comprehend, and it's a connection you end up cherishing for the years to come.

Things have been rather bumpy in my personal life lately. There's this weird limbo I'm still struggling to get out of, and at times it can feel a little suffocating. Sometimes you feel so alone and helpless, and it's like no one really understands how you feel. Sometimes, these thoughts can push you towards the dark recesses of your mind. They'll drive you towards the isolating corners that ultimately hold you back from -- and this is going to be totally cheesy -- the pursuit of happiness.

It's a sick kind of comfort, knowing there is someone you love who is going through the same pain and trials as you are. There is a less twisted comfort in knowing you can be there for each other, trying to feel your way out of the black hole you've both been trapped in. You have to fall down to get back up; the fall itself has been quite an eye-opening ride, and the landing was rough and painful. Climbing my way back up is going to be another adventure -- one that will be a more humbling and less lonesome experience, because I know there are people who have the most generous of hands reaching out to pull me out of this dark place I'm in.