Untitled II

Hello! Inspiration and motivation have been very fleeting these days, so when I was actually inspired to take pictures for the first time in 39487 years, I asked Jam if she could drop by before her show for a few quick and simple portraits. Also, LOOK AT HER NEW HAIR. This is what self-care looks like.

Thanks for making time for me, Jam.

Lonely Hearts

First shoot of the year! Thank you to Alex for letting me photograph you as usual, and to Janelle and Beau for being my (ghetto) ~*~lighting crew~*~ Dunno what I'd do without y'all!

2016 was weird. I may or may not make a recap on it. (For my own sake, I prolly should.) It was a curious feeling, losing all motivation and inspiration to shoot ANYTHING towards the end of the year. As much as I had wanted to continue shooting and attempt to pull off a proper one-shoot-per-month thing, I really couldn't bring myself to force it. I could hardly even bring myself to pick up my camera.

I don't know what my plans are -- photography-wise -- for this year. Do I try shooting once per month again? Or do I keep it casual and simple, like I did with Lonely Hearts? I don't know. Let's see where 2017 will take me.

Beneath the Sheets

Alternatively known as: Project Bedsheets. Or: Tintin and the Sampayans.

All jokes aside, I do believe this marks my first time actually photographing Tintin for a shoot. We had already collaborated previously, but this was the first time in which she was the one in front of my camera lens. Originally, I was going to photograph her for May, but I had to postpone to make way for other plans. (Photos from my actual shoot in May to be posted... someday.) This was a relatively simple shoot, with it being just the two of us. (Then again most of my shoots are just me and my subject anyway.) Tin supplied me with outfits to choose from (and also supplied most of our backdrops), and we shot at her place, because it was adequate and convenient.

I feel like my friendship with Tintin has come a long way, somehow. Sure, we've been in the same group of friends for over ten years now, but being in such a large group, the degree of closeness you share can differ from person to person. I'll admit to that. But I feel like, despite being incredibly intimidated by Tintin the first time I ever got to talk to her on Yahoo Messenger (this is another story for another lifetime, but in any case, PETITION TO BRING BACK YM PLS???), I've become much more comfortable around her over the years.

A healthy dosage of Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy XII (holla at the OG Balthier), and Batman trash in between definitely helped establish our friendship, but I digress.

It's so easy to be misunderstood, and I feel like Tin is one of the people who understands this so well. So much can be lost in translation -- despite speaking the same language, even -- and while Tin and I may not see eye-to-eye (read: she's hella cultured while I'm a rotting hobo) all the time, I think it's good to have differing opinions sometimes. Seeing things from a different perspective can be incredibly eye-opening.

Thank you Tintin for being so game to shoot and for a pleasant morning spent together! You will always be the Fran to my Balthier, even if I only ever got as far as the Rogue Tomato mission in Final Fantasy XII.

Wonderwood Vol. II

Late post because I've been busy with life! Wonderwood Vol. II (Vol. I here) was shot in April, but I've only just gotten to the photos now due to ~*~traveling~*~ and other things. Janelle and I drove around particular subdivisions to get these shots, and it was a fun experience, considering some shots were attained a little guerilla. Despite the heat and the wait-let's-hide-in-the-car moments, the shots turned out really great, I'd like to think. Thanks again shy girl Janelle!

Gemini

Very recently, I found out that a place dear to both my heart and Ana's will soon be unavailable to us -- a.k.a. Anette's old house.

To honor the memory of the location (Ana grew up there, after all, and I've had shoots there on three other occasions), we decided to have one last shoot there. A few days before we were set to shoot, Ana pitched the idea of making 'twins' in the photographs; chalk it up to her obsession with twins, go figure. I was totally open to the idea though, so I left the twins post-processing to Ana (plus, she totally wanted to do it anyway).

Ultimately, the whole twins idea became the general direction of the entire shoot. I actually pitched a similar idea -- especially the styling -- for a shoot with a pair of actual twins before, but it got scrapped, so this was the perfect opportunity to take a few elements from that original idea and bring them to life once and for all.

Admittedly, the theme was a little stressful. As I was treating each set as if I were shooting two people, I had to come up two separate outfits per set. Granted, coming up with outfits coming from Ana's closet is always fun, but by the time we were halfway done with shooting, I was totally getting worn down.

Mostly because it was so. Hot.

I started getting a little nervous by the third set, because the sun was slowly setting and I was beginning to worry that I wouldn't be able make it all the way to the final set.

But, by the magic of Anina, we managed to pull it all off somehow.

It's been a while since I last shot several sets on-location and outdoors using natural lighting. I absolutely missed shooting in such circumstances, seeing as I've been practicing with artificial lights in the past year or so, but I totally forgot how tiring it can be to shoot outdoors. Especially now that summer is creeping in!

Nevertheless, the shoot wouldn't have been remotely as fun (and funny) if it weren't for Ana, so thank you very much, Anette! Time spent with you is always magical and incredibly nostalgic. Luvu longtime.

Zero Degrees

Oftentimes, my shoots with Alex never really go exactly as planned, and this time was no exception. 

Alex had just come from a long week of work, and when she finally got to my place to shoot, one of my lights started acting up. It was an unexpected incident that forced me to compromise my set up, thus ultimately changing the overall look and feel I was initially going for.

Oftentimes, my shoots with Alex never really go exactly as planned -- but for the most part, the final results tend to be worth it in end.

It's an everyday struggle, trying to wrap my head around the notion that some things are not my fault -- at least not entirely, I guess? -- and that there are some things that are just out of my control.

Things don't always go according to plan -- trust me, I know that better than anyone -- but it's shoots like the ones I have with Alex that make me see the silver lining in the unexpected.

Satiated Dreams Pt. 2

Satiated Dreams Pt. 1

Thanks again Camille for letting me photograph you, and special thanks to Ana for hosting us. See you all in 2016!

Satiated Dreams Pt. 1

There came a time last month when -- for what felt like the first time all year -- I was seemingly at peace. I realized early on this year that I am most definitely not where I imagined myself to be at this point in my life, and regardless of what other people say, the truth is that it's not okay. It's really not okay. What I've been telling myself as a desperate form of consolation is that I'm alive, at the very least.

Alive, but not necessarily living.

I've put some of my dreams to rest. They're buried elsewhere in my subconsciousness, in a place where they can stay safe. They're not dreams I can pursue at the moment, but I don't know if I will ever be able to pursue them at all in the long run.

In that aforementioned moment in time last month, I felt like I was going somewhere. Like I was on the road to someplace better.

But it might not be the right time yet. The thing is, I don't know what the 'right' time is, or if I can last until that time will come.

So, at this point, laying my dreams to rest feels like a sick way of satiating them, in a way. Setting them aside is my way of saying, "That's enough. You've done well. Go to sleep, we're done." It's not the happiest of satiations, but it's the only way I know how to protect myself.

Depressing things aside, my lovely Camille is back in town, prompting another Camina shoot, as per usual. The concept came to me around that particular time last month that I just mentioned, and it's a little inspired by Bangtan's The Most Beautiful Moment In Life albums, among other things. We'll be shooting part two next week, and it'll prolly be my last shoot for the year.

Thanks again Camille for another wonderful afternoon (especially when we spent the remainder of our time together just laughing at how ridiculous our Bangtan Boys are, lol).